12 days

in 12 days i am suppose to travel to my bfs country,meet his family, get marrried a week after.

it hasnt been good,not really. i was doing really well this week,eating just veggies,fruits and 1 joghurt a day approx. 500-600cal.untill yesterday i craved for cheese and after i had some,decided what the heck,i have scrrewed up already.damn it
then,we had argument. wouldnt you be a bit offended if your bf would be stupidly smiling at the very beautiful girl from reception and ignoring you,after telling he was just helping his friend who was trying to get her attention?! and wouldnt even admit i could feel bad about it,but say,you're always like this..as if it was nothing that could possibly make me feel bad.then he said,if you dont like smth,you dont have to be with me.and we started having sex not so often. we used to have sex every day,sometimes twice.now its good if it happens once a week.and thats when i talk him into that.

i really dont know anymore whats gonna happen,i am about to give up.i have bp today,feeling lonely and unsatisfied i am trying to replace it by food.then i realize what i have done and purge.which leads to feeling hungry again and making a circle.since its german celebration today,everyone has free,my bf is meeting this friend at his hotel and i am alone at home fighting myself.
dont know where to get some energy,dont know if i want to get married anymore,what if he doesnt,i feel like i have fucked up,this relationship and dont know if there is a way to mend it somehow.
while really,everything could be so good
just need to help,myself
you know how?

p.s. thanks for your comments,i appreciate them lots